


a seal upon your heart

by queerofcups



Series: love love love (love love) [9]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 04:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9640109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queerofcups/pseuds/queerofcups
Summary: Sometimes, there are weddings.





	1. your changing contentments, what will you share?

old //

There’s a box in Dan’s room Phil pretends not to know about. They don’t do anniversaries, really, and Valentine’s Day doesn’t feel like a real thing between them. Sentimentality for them is about having something you can hold, not what people expect of them.

So when the day comes-- when there’s no more planning to be done, when they’re due to take a train to the country side with their friends and family, to put on suits and say speeches and kiss, Phil sneaks in Dan’s room. He slips into the closet, pushes aside shoes and random props to get to the small, flat box, slips out a numbered piece of paper that’s creased and soft with age. It’s been years, and Phil’s seen the resulting video that he doesn’t need to look at it, just strokes it a little. Between its folds, there’s a train ticket. Both will do.

new //

Buying rings was fraught. The question of when to wear them had to be answered, long before anyone thought of materials, stones or the lack thereof. Dan knew Phil had lovely fingers, and the thought of them adorned with a ring he chose made Dan’s heart flip with excitement. The thought of Phil taking it off every time he filmed something felt differently.

There are comments the day Phil starts wearing the thin engagement ring they took to calling the trial version. Phil watched them pass by, a small, secret smile gracing his lips.

The real one, the permanent one sits in Dan’s room, on his desk. It’s not a secret. Phil’s seen it and insists that it live in Dan’s room in some semblance of tradition.

It’s simple, silver and unvarnished. Sometimes, in the weeks prior to today, Dan’s eyes would track over the box, and his breath would catch. Today, he slips it into his suitcase, and smiles.

 

borrowed  //

It’s hard to say where one of them ends and the other begins. Everything is theirs, difficult to point out a yours or mine. Dan takes Phil’s tie, deciding at the last minute that his doesn’t quite go with his suit. Phil packs Dan’s original tie, just in case, ready to head off any last-minute emergencies. Phil wears a hoodie Dan bought to the train station. It smells of him, and it’s warm.

blue //

Dan’s always thought even the happiest weddings hold the barest traces of sadness. There’s something about closing off whole universes of possibilities in an ‘I do’ that cracks his heart a little. He knows that there are universes where he and Phil don’t work out, or choose not to get married, or get married in the city, or elope to Japan.

There is a sadness to all of those roads, too.

But this is a life that he knows, and trusts. He trusts the blue of Phil’s eyes, his quirked mouth. He trusts the steadiness of his hands, and the space he fills in Dan’s life, has filled for so long.

There is a part of Dan that is always sad, that will carry that sadness wherever he goes. Phil knows it, loves the bluest parts of Dan as he loves the brightest.

They kiss, when they’re told to kiss, and those versions of themselves die away, beyond Dan’s closed eyes.


	2. keep your name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And sometimes, there aren't.

It starts as a very awkward joke. They’re at a fancy restaurant because Dan is a princess who sometimes requires dinner at fancy restaurants. The worst, most hilarious part is they’re not even on a date. Dan just wanted a reason to wear some fancy new clothes and Phil’s always up for food adventures.

They’re nearly done with dinner; loose with good food and a bottle and a half of wine when Dan says, probably, in retrospect, too loudly for such a nice place, “Hey, Phil, will you marry me?”

They’d been joking about how weird and hard their taxes are, and wondering if it’d be easier to do if they just joined their finances together. Of course, when a hush falls over the restaurant and they realize all the other patrons are looking at them expectantly, there’s not time to explain that.

Dan laughs nervously but Phil steps up, summoning big, glistening eyes from somewhere and goes “Dan! I thought you’d never ask!”

The restaurant applauds (quietly, because this is a classy place) and Dan, a question in his eyes, leans over to kiss Phil.

They kiss and then it’s over, the rest of the patrons gone back to their dinners. Phil is blushing a little, but grinning, his tongue poked out.

They finish they’re dinner and are standing outside, waiting for their car when Dan turns to Phil and asks, “So, are we engaged now?”

“I don’t believe in marriage,” Phil says, easily. Dan expects that to be end of it.

He manages to accidentally propose to Phil in public four more times that year. Each time, a hush falls over whoever’s listening and Phil’s made to smile and accept graciously.

  * In the middle of the airport, when his eye finally starts stinging less.)
  * On the tour bus, in front of the whole crew when Phil relents on sharing the bed.)
  * In Starbucks, when Phil brings him his order with an extra shot of espresso. You’d think the baristas would be used to caffeine-related marriage proposals, but they still gasp and clap.)



After the fourth time, Phil pulls Dan aside, brow furrowed.

“Do we need to talk?” He asks. “Because we can talk. I thought we agreed that marriage wasn’t the thing for us.”

Dan waves a hand, glancing back at the flock of excited bikers that had crowded around for his latest accidentally proposal. He’d been tying his shoe for christsake, not kneeling.

“ _I_ know that. It’s just everyone around us that hasn’t gotten the memo.”

Phil nods, still a little unsure.

Dan shakes his head. “Marriage is a heteronormative, capitalist institution borne out of the need to amass land and resources to ensure your family name’s longevity and prove manhood. No, thanks.”

Phil rolls his eyes. “It’s easier to say it’s just a piece of paper, y’know.”

Dan takes his hand, pulling him away from the cyclist, who are _still standing there_.

“What do they even want?” Dan hisses, looking over his shoulder.

“Their fathers’ approval, probably” Phil says nonsensically, allowing himself to be pulled along out of the park.

 

That night, Dan’s in bed, having left Phil in the lounge, when gets an email from Phil with the subject line REASONS NOT TO GET MARRIED #1.

“Phil,” he calls, “This is unnecessary. I don’t want to get married.”

“Shut up and click it,” Phil calls back.

It’s an amazon link to a book of queer writers against marriage. Dan reads through the table of contents and orders it, making noises of interest.

“Still unnecessary, but thanks,” Dan calls.

“You’re welcome,” Phil calls back.

The rest of the week, Phil sends him REASONS NOT TO GET MARRIED #2-15.

Some of them are serious, interesting articles on the unreasonableness of monogamy, the sexism and classism inherent in wedding culture (“the wedding industrial complex,” Phil says one night over dinner. Dan makes a delighted noise. He’s always loved it when Phil talks nerdy to him.). Some of them are lists Phil has written up, like “Foods You Can Buy Me Instead of a Wedding Ring” and “Overpriced Clothes You Can Get for Half the Price of a Wedding”. Dan actually bookmarks a lot of the clothes, delighted with Phil’s familiarity with his style. Then he opens up a new message, subject line:

REASONS NOT TO GET MARRIED #16

  1. Neither of us have dowries worth the trouble
  2. Dan Lester sounds weird
  3. Our feelings for each other don’t need to be co-signed by the government
  4. PATRIARCHY = BAD
  5. White washes you out.
  6. I’ll happily stand in front our friends/fans/family/whole world and tell them that I wake up every day choosing to stay with you and go to bed every night grateful you’re choosing to stay with me. We don’t need to sign a contract for that.
  7. Strong threat a wedding would attract another gaggle of cyclists.



He hits send and waits, grinning when he hears Phil chuckling. He goes back to fucking around on photoshop, looking up when Phil appears in his door, smiling.

“Hey,” Dan says.

“That’s technically reasons not to get married #16-22. Bed?” Phil says, gesturing to his room.

“I don’t know, Phil,” Dan says, rolling off the bed, onto his feet. “Is it proper? Two unwed bachelors like us, shacking up? What will the neighbors say?”

Phil smirks, “I was planning on us giving them something else to talk about tonight, but if you’re worried…”

“Nope,” Dan says, pushing past Phil to get to Phil’s room, “No problems here. Let’s consummate our not-marriage right away.”

Dan’s certain the neighbors can hear the sound of Phil’s laughter through the walls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is from Tegan and Sara's BWU (from their album love you to death, i'm only cheating a little).
> 
> this is fake.  
> there's also a sneaky the national line in here, bonus points if you find it.

**Author's Note:**

> at first i was like, what if i wrote some wedding fic and then my feminist politics were like "mmmm :|" so I also wrote not!wedding fic, haha.  
> chapter title is from iron & wine's 'love and some verses'.  
> fic title is from song of solomon 8:6.


End file.
